Saturday, February 13, 2010

When We Start To Drift Away

Cultural shock is something that I thought will never get me when I’m studying abroad. I expect a little, but I seriously didn’t expect it will be this big.

I don’t know where to start and how to say it, but I’m already drift away a little bit from what I’m suppose to do here, but just don’t worry.Is it my fault? Yes, everyday I would say to myself, it’s definitely my fault and no others to be blame for. Influence from other? Yes, there’s no doubt it’s exist and pull me toward that direction. But it’s not their fault, it’s me who made the decision and the blame is on me.

Study should be my priority, but it’s not wrong if I try something new. But the biggest mistake is, the priority somehow change and i loss my focus. As I mentioned before, cultural shock. I would say it’s not because of the differences between me and all the people here, but it’s more how to live here, and it’s depends on what kind of person you are.

As for me, I would love to tell the world who I really am, but even though I’m now far away from home, the boundaries and limitation still exist. It’s always invisible but always here, in my head. But of course, my dearest friends, my best friends I would say, would know what I’m trying to say.

Yes, there’s a couple of time I told some of my ‘new’ friends here about this, and of course they understand as they once in my position, but as we are so different culturally, they have no problem with who they are.

Drifted is Cool if you now how to get back, because if you on the right track again, you will realise mistakes that you have done. Seriously, the way back is hard to find and even harder to be on it.

Everyday I open my eyes, I feel the guilt. It’s growing everyday without a little decrement. I know it’s about time to get back to the path, but action is not as easy as the thought of it. It’s like asking a heavy smoker to stop smoking, that is exactly how difficult it is.

People can say it’s easy, as they never experienced it; but once they are, they will understand it.


Ahmad Zharif Ahmad Zahir said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ahmad Zharif Ahmad Zahir said...

past is past, please dont even try to undo what has been done, it wont happen, but you can always control and plan for the future....

hmmm.... things bit haywire at the moment, but when you structure back you thoughts, i blv you can see a clearer big picture....

its good to make mistake and you still regard it as a mistake.... its good tho!! Cause most ppl, even myself, will always resort to denial....

sometimes we think too much laa opai.... hehs

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